starry eyes and galaxy minds
by ll amanda lynn ll
Summary: "I have an Uncle?" The little girl asked. Dean glanced in the rearview mirror at his daughter, a pang in his heart making it almost hard to breathe. "Yeah, Alyssa." He whispered. "He's going to help us find Grampa."
1. Prologue

**So, I said I'd get this chapter up by June or July. *Checks Date* *Shrugs* Honestly, I fully expected this.**

 **Hello to anyone who's still around! I was** ** _so_** **blown away by the support that I've gotten from this story! Like, it's by no means my best work, so I was so excited and happy with your approval! Thank you so much!**

 **You are all amazing and I love you all. I'm so excited to see how many more start reading this as the story goes on!**

 **This chapter is a re-write of the first. Bear that in mind**

 **Hi I'm not the owners of Supernatural. I don't own it. If I did, would it be such a homophobic show? No. Would everyone die? No. Would the fandom finally have reason to live? Probably not but I'd like to think that I could help with that.**

Dean sat anxiously on the couch, his eyes flickering around the room. It was a small room, but all of it was loved. The couch was pink, dulled out from age and covered in a crocheted blanket. The window had light peeking through and a gentle breeze flowed into the room. There's about a hundred framed photos in the room, and even more books on the shelf.

He tried not to look at them.

The little girl, he knew, couldn't be older than eight months old. If she was his, that is.

He had to keep convincing himself that she couldn't be his.

Fatherhood was an impossibility for him. Simply an impossibility. His life was not one that he would bring a child into.

His eyes stopped on a little bunny, white with a pink bow, which was left on the floor.

He leaned down and picked it up, holding it in both his hands and staring into its eyes as if they would hold answers.

How had this happened?

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. He knew exactly how this had happened, and he was trying to deny the thought that he had no one to blame but himself.

There's a noise in the hallway and- Heather? Harper? She'd introduced herself again when she'd contacted him- walked into the room, and apologetic smile on her face.

"Sorry," She sighed, flopping into the seat across from him. "Just got her down to nap."

Dean tried to smile reassuringly, but fell short in what probably resembled a grimace.

"'s okay." He mumbled, fiddling with his hands anxiously.

" _So_ ," The woman continued. "I'm Rikky," He wasn't even close.

He decided that small talk was off the table.

"How do I know she's-"

"I have papers."

He closed his eyes.

"Those could be fake," He began.

"Is now really the time for denial, Dean?" She asked gently.

"She's your daughter." Rikky said. "She needs you."

A stray tear found its way down Dean's cheek, which he didn't bother to wipe away.

"What could I do for her?" He didn't know how that question sounded to her, or how he even wanted it to sound, but he was certain that his voice had cracked.

"I can't raise her." The woman before him said.

His heart sank in his chest.

He couldn't raise her either. He couldn't- _wouldn't_ \- raise her to be a hunter. He couldn't raise her without a home or any sense of consistency- he wouldn't hurt her like that.

"I- I can't raise her either."

The woman only smiled.

"Yes you can. You've got to. You're the only shot the kid's got,"

He was about to object when he was cut off.

"She isn't human, Dean."

He blinked, then stared at her, wide eyed.

"What do you-"

"Dean, I need you to understand something." She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and smiled a wan smile.

"It's imperative that you listen."

He only stared at her.

"I'm not human. I'm an angel."

"Angels aren't-"

"You need to listen, Dean." She sighed, closing her eyes. "It's a lot to take in, but you can handle it. You _have_ to."

"I don't know what-"

The woman stood up and crossed the room, waving a hand at Dean and somehow shutting him up.

She pulled a frame off the wall and handed it to Dean.

"Her name is Alyssa."

The baby in the picture had eyes that matched his. She was smiling, clutching at a remote while lying on the floor. He forced his eyes off of the image.

"I can't do anything for her."

There was a whole lot of emotion behind the words, and he prayed to God- or whatever deity existed- that she understood him.

"She will grow up with powers. She will be stronger than you know,"

The woman before him smiled sadly.

"And I can't be there for her."

Dean shook his head.

"I don't know shit about kids." He said.

"You'll have to learn, then."

"I don't know anything about powers- Angels aren't real."

The woman pressed her fingers to his forehead and in a flash, a thousand thoughts seemed to cross his mind.

Images of humanity, images of war, of demons and angels and God and Lucifer and of what history looked like. All came along with emotions that were overpowering on their own, and all at once he felt crippled while facing them.

He barely processed any of it, but as soon as the images stopped he found that his entire body was shaking and he was gasping for air, tears running down his face.

He doubled over, clutching over the top of his head and trying to calm his breaths down.

He felt a gentle hand on his face and it was then that he noticed the tears.

"I am sorry, Dean." The woman sighed.

"But you're being difficult. I need you to understand how important it is that you are the one who takes care of her."

Dean found himself nodding, somehow finding that he understood her.

"No one will approve of you taking her."

He shook his head, feeling himself calming down.

"You're the only chance she has. Angels and demons will both hate her, if they ever find out about her existence, she's over."

He swallowed, nodding.

"I'm dying."

His head jerked up, panic evident in his eyes.

"How can I-"

"You will figure it out."

"I won't."

She closed her eyes, crossing her arms.

"Follow me,"

She walked away without another word and he found himself following her.

They walked into the only room in the apartment, and Dean tried to push back memories of the last time he'd been there.

She crossed the room and scooped up the tiny baby, then turned to him, handing her over.

The little girl stirred a bit but settled down, snuggling into his chest.

"She is here because of you. You are her _father._ "

She stared hard at the baby for a moment.

"I've been a parent for her. I'm running out of time."

"I can't be a parent to her. I can't be anything for her- or anything else. What kind of a life would she have with me?"

Was he really looking at an Angel?

"Let me put it this way for you," She stepped closer, and it took every ounce of self-control he had not to shrink away. "If you aren't anything to her, she _will_ die."

He swallowed, hugging the child a little closer.

"Okay," He said breathlessly. "Okay."

The task in front of him was daunting, and he was entirely terrified of everything that was to come and everything he'd have to do. He only hoped that the good would outweigh the bad.

 **Thank you so much for reading! Sorry for the weak ending, but I'm tired and I don't want to put off updating any longer. If you like it leave a review! That always makes me super happy! (Seriously, just let me know if you're still reading. You don't have to say much just like one word is amazing.)**


	2. sleepless nights

**Hey, nerds! This a/n is very long and it summarizes some things you might want to know about this fanfic. If you want to skip this, it will not impair how you view this story at all, so it's completely up to you.**

 **So, first off, this isn't cannon.**

 ***riots ensue***

 **Okay, okay, hear me out!**

 **I have no intention of always following the original show. *Shrugs***

 **Supernatural is so homophobic, okay? Like,** ** _god._** **(If you don't believe me then give me one, (1) good reason why Destiel isn't cannon yet.**

 **Explain to me how Charlie's sexuality wasn't originally anything short of a joke. (There was no foreshadowing for it, it was just a massive lead up to her not knowing how to flirt with the security guard.) Not to mention she wasn't supposed to ever be in the show again, she only came back because she was a hit with viewers.**

 **Also, the plot can be pretty shit at times.**

 **(Don't get me wrong, I adore this show. It might not seem like it but I swear it's true)**

 **With a character like Alyssa, things are just going to change. (Butterfly effect and all) Some parts will take longer, others will be shorter, and others will be completely skipped. You'll see what I mean as we go along.**

 **Also, don't read this story if you're any form of queerphobic. Transphobic, homophobic, aphobic, any of it. Just leave now. (I won't tolerate hate in the comments. They will be deleted immediately with no acknowledgement when I see them.)**

 **This isn't necessarily relevant to the plot, but I'm putting as much representation in this as possible, so you've been warned.**

 **John is abusive. This fact is hardly covered in the show, and the hurt he caused is basically ignored. I, however, will fully acknowledge all of his flaws and I will make no excuses for him.**

 **New characters will be added in this! Old ones will serve a bigger plot service! They're all great!**

 **I looove constructive criticism! I don't respond well to aggressive comments!**

 **If you comment hate directed at me then I'm like, fine? Idk not fine but I'm tougher than that. If you comment something hateful directed at *anyone* else, (Aside from fictional characters) then we're gonna have some issues.**

 **I'm gonna be inconsistent and have plot errors. Not all chapters will be the same quality and honestly, I doubt I'll go back and edit them. I'll give this my best shot, but between school, relationships, theatre, other writing projects and all the other stuff in my life, I can't guarantee anything.**

 **Reviews are why I write. I want to believe that I could just write for myself, but I can't. I need to know that people are reading and caring about my story. So please, even if you just comment to say that you're still reading, it would mean the world to me.**

 **This story is following a certain aesthetic, and I'm not going to explain it, but if I never use capital letters in chapter titles, please don't complain about it.**

 **I** ** _love_** **Dodie Clark. And a lot of the chapter titles are going to reference her songs, so I take no credit for the creation of those titles or lyrics.**

 **I also just love music, so most of the titles will reference my music list. (And it's so random omg)**

 **I take suggestions! You got ideas, I'm fully ready to accept them! (If I like them)**

 **And if I forget to credit you for the idea, it's 'cause I'm an idiot who forgets things, not because I did it on purpose. Complain to me if I forget and I will correct it.**

 **And finally, I don't own Supernatural.**

 **Enjoy this chapter!**

 _~Six years later~_

As promised, Alyssa didn't grow up to be normal.

 _She was three_ when she first made it known that she could hear thoughts. Not all the time, just when they were particularly, 'loud' as she put it. (This was also the first time John tried to exorcize her. He made her promise not to tell Dean.)

 _She was four_ when she could get her Barbie's to stand on their own, and doors to open without touching them, and her spoon could bring cereal to her mouth (Or, it would've if Dean had not yelled out upon entering the room, making it fall to the ground and as he met her startled gaze)

 _She was five_ when she had gotten into the trunk of the Impala without permission. Dean had been yelling at her when she started to cry, and somehow he had cried with her. (When her emotions got too strong, everyone else felt them too.)

 _She was six_ when she had a loud thought, as she called it, and Dean and John heard it. (She had been excited to think they were like her. It actually had more to do with her own powers seeping through everything else.)

 _She was six_ when John decided to leave. She'd known for a long while that he wouldn't be coming back this time. (He made her swear not to say a word. She was too scared to say no to him.)

 _She was six_ when she had to watch her father put on a brave face and pretend like he knew what he was doing. (She knew that he was as lost as she was, and there was not much to be done about that.)

 _She was six_ when Dean decided he couldn't do it alone anymore, and that they would have to find his brother for help. (Because she wasn't enough for him.)

 _She was a child_ who had to grow up before she knew how to read. (Dean couldn't shelter her from anything the way he had wanted to.)

Alyssa was laying down in the back of the Impala, staring at the ceiling and watching the lights dance across it while they drove.

Dean was blasting music through the stereo, and Alyssa could sense his uneasiness no matter how hard he tried to suppress it. (Emotions people tried to suppress were easier for her to feel, but harder to recognize.)

She was holding the hand of her stuffed bear, which had rainbow stripes and a frilly bow. Her grandfather had gotten it for her, telling her that he loved her in the same breath that he used to call her a monster.

She was supposed to be asleep. That was one thing she certainly far too tired to deal with. She instead tried to focus on more important things, like keeping her emotions quiet.

She was scared. For all of her life that she could remember, her world had consisted of a very few people. Her Uncle Bobby, Pastor Jim, her father, and her grandfather. Outside of them, she had had very limited exposure to other people. And _now_ they were going to have another person join them to help find John, which was absolutely mortifying to her.

She knew how uneasy her father was about all of this as well, and decided it would be better for them both if she kept her emotions inside her own brain.

(Dean said she was allowed to feel things. It was John who taught her how to suppress them.)

A million thoughts played in her head, but she didn't voice any of them.

~  
It was a little while later when the car pulled up in front of the apartment.

Dean opened the door for her and held her hand while they walked inside.

"Your hand is burning, Alyssa."

It came as no shock to either of them. Her normal body temperature was usually around one hundred and twenty, which had alarmed Dean on many occasions before he'd learned she wasn't ill.

Alyssa's only response was a shrug.

"I'm fine," She lied.

Dean knelt down before her, feeling along her forehead and neck.

She giggled, shrugging her shoulders in an attempt to get him off.

"Stop! Your hands are cold!"

He ignored her, unbuttoning the flannel she was wearing, leaving her in her tank top.

She sighed, rolling her eyes. "I'm _fine!_ Like, really, _really_ fine!" He put his hand on her forehead again.

"Come on," He said eventually, taking her hand again.

The stairwell was cold but didn't do much to lower her temperature. She ran her hand along the steely railing, her mind flashing to _Bambi_ and wondering what would happen if she were to lick it.

She tried to skip the last two stairs when they reached the second floor and was almost rewarded by falling on her face.

Fortunately, Dean was there to grab her upper arms and lift her onto his shoulders.

She giggled loudly as Dean bent down to pick the lock, she supported herself by leaning her hands on the top of the doorway, and tried to remember if she'd ever touched the top of a door before.

"Daddy I'm so high!" She squealed.

Dean smiled and the lock clicked.

"Did you do it?" She asked as he set her down on the floor.

"Yup," He said, popping the 'p'.

"Stay quiet as we go in there, Lyss. He doesn't know were coming."

Alyssa nodded, miming zipping her lips then breaking into a grin.

"This is so cool!" She whispered.

Dean walked in before her and she followed closely. Dean made a show of looking around the apartment, which was dimly lit by the streetlamps outside.

She absently ran her fingers over the coat of dust while Dean walked ahead of her. She felt a presence in the hallways, could feel the apprehension in them and knew who they were immediately, which is why she ignored them until they jumped out and attacked Dean.

It caught her so off guard that she stumbled back, tripping over a pile of books and falling on her back.

She jumped back to her feet again and faced the two men, who were fighting so fast she couldn't keep up with it.

She burst into tears, clenching her fists and sobbing quietly.

Dean knocked the man down, landing on top of him and smirking, pinning his wrists down.

"Whoa, easy, tiger." He said, smirking.

"Dean?" The man asked breathlessly.

Dean laughed, still looking down at him.

"You scared the crap out of me!" The boy exclaimed, his eyes widened as he stared at him.

Dean chuckled. "That's 'cause you're out of practice."

Alyssa was still crying, and was getting more and more frustrated that Dean wasn't noticing her.

Then, a moment before it happened, she knew what the man was going to do. She felt vaguely panicked as she sat and did nothing while the man grabbed Dean's hand, yanking it and slamming his heel into Dean's back, flipping Dean onto the floor.

"Or not." Dean said, glancing over to Alyssa.

"Get off of me."

Sam rolled onto his feet and pulled Dean up.

"What the Hell are you doing here?" He asked.

"Well," Dean said, "I was looking for a beer."

Then, before the man could respond, Dean turned around and walked to where Alyssa was standing. He crouched in front of her and cupped her face, wiping tears away.

"Hey," He whispered, a fake sense of calm about him.

"It's okay, it's okay."

She sniffled and promptly buried her face in his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He hugged her back, picking her up and turning back around to face the man, who she now sensed an air of anger and confusion from.

"You brought your kid to a fucking break in?" He hissed.

Dean sighed, closing his eyes.

"As opposed to leaving her unattended in the car?"

Dean clapped his hands, moving on.

"Okay. All right. We gotta talk." Dean said, holding his hands up in defense.

"Uh, the phone?" The man demanded.

"If I'd'a called, would you have picked up?"

The light turned on and Alyssa buried her face further into her father, trying to block everything out for a moment.

"Sam?" A soft voice questions, the noise making Alyssa jump slightly

"Oh- hey, Jess." Sam said. "This is- this is Dean."

"Wait, your brother Dean?"

Alyssa peeked up at the woman, who started to smile widely when she made eye contact with the girl.

"Is that your niece!?" She exclaimed, looking excited as she stared at Alyssa.

Alyssa buried her face again, trying to pretend like the woman wasn't there.

Dean sensed her discomfort and set her down gently, letting her stand behind him and grinning.

"Oh, I love the Smurfs."

He grinned at her like he was in love with her, but Alyssa could tell that he didn't really want to do anything with her.

"You know, I gotta tell you. You are completely out of my brother's league."

Alyssa was clutching onto \his shirt, completely overwhelmed by whatever was supposed to be playing out. She started to cry again, this time silently.

"Just…" Jess glanced at Sam. "-let me put something on."

"Yeah, I gotta borrow your boyfriend here, talk about some private family business anyways."

Dean glanced around the room.

 **"** But, uh, nice meeting you." He added as an afterthought.

"No." Sam said firmly.

He walked over to Jess, putting an arm around her.

"No, whatever you want to say, you can say it in front of her."

That wasn't good. Alyssa didn't know much, but she did know that talking about hunting to other people was bad. John had threatened her on multiple occasions when she'd asked about it. She tried her best to stop crying because John didn't like her crying either.

"Okay," Dean said slowly. He turned and looked at them, "Dad hasn't been home in a few days."

"So he's working overtime on a Miller Time shift. He'll stumble back in sooner or later." Sam's tone was cocky, annoying. It made Alyssa angry, and she almost expected Dean to be angry as well.

He wasn't, obviously. He was never angry. He merely ducked his head and looked back up.

"Dad's on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home in a few days."

The man's expression didn't change, but his resolve did. Something inside him clicked and he nodded minisculey.

"Jess, excuse us please."

Alyssa held Dean's hand as they walked down. She'd calmed down more and was focusing on being happy again.

"I mean, come on. You can't just break in, middle of the night, and expect me to hit the road with you."

Alyssa decided she didn't really like this guy.

"You're not hearing me, Sammy. Dad's missing. I need you to help me find him."

Dean never asked for help. This man knew that. Dean was lost and scared and he was trying his best to pretend he was okay, and even the six year old realized that. She also realized that Sam was being massively selfish.

"You remember the poltergeist in Amherst? Or the Devil's Gates in Clifton? He was missing then, too. He's always missing, and he's always fine."

She wondered if John had been as mean to the two of them as he was to her.

Somehow, she doubted it.

Dean stopped and turned to him. Alyssa kept walking for about three steps before she realized, and the turned, frowning in confusion.

"Not for this long. Now are you gonna come with me or not?"

"I'm not."

With the way things were going, she didn't know if she was disappointed or not.

"Why not?" Dean asked in the same voice that he used to scold her with.

"I swore I was done hunting. For good."

"Come on. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't that bad."

Alyssa wondered if all adults lied so easily.

Dean started walking again and this time Alyssa followed without hesitation.

"Yeah? When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45."

Dean gave him a hard look.

Sam pointedly looked at Alyssa and she squirmed a little under his gaze.

"I was nine years old! Even he should've known to tell me not to be afraid of the dark!"

"He was trying his best, Sam. It's not easy."

Sam's demeanor softened at that, which was progress.

"You think Mom would have wanted this for us? Do _you_ want this for Alyssa?"

Dean glared at him, shaking his head.

"Of course I don't! You _know_ I don't. I don't have a choice, Sammy."

Alyssa had to wonder exactly what he meant by that.

The impala came into view and Alyssa yawned, hoping to just go to sleep after this.

"Dad's in real trouble right now. If he's not dead already. I can feel it."

Alyssa raised her hand and Dean smiled.

"Yeah, Lyss?"

"He's alive." She mumbled.

Sam rolled his eyes

Dean was about to respond on her behalf but she rolled her eyes.

"I can tell. I'd know if he died. Just like I know he's not okay- just like I can tell you're a dick."

Sam blinked a few times, then glanced at Dean, who merely shrugged.

"Has a point, Sammy." He shrugged and Alyssa shrugged as well.

Sam is silent for a moment, and Dean breaks it.

"I can't do this alone."

Which wasn't a lie. He was drowning in his thoughts, and Alyssa knew that she wasn't any sort of help.

"Yes you can." The man said, like he didn't even know Dean.

Dean looked down, finally looking as sad as he felt.

"Yeah, well, I don't want to."

Sam sighed and looked down, thinking, then looked up.

"What was he hunting?"

Alyssa felt the bit of hope that sparked in Dean and sighed. Did this guy really have to tag along?

Dean opened the trunk of the Impala, then the spare tire compartment. The arsenal. He propped it open with a shotgun and digs through the clutter.

"All right, let's see, where the hell did I put that thing?" He mumbled absently.

"So when Dad left, why didn't you go with him?"

"I was working my own gig. This, uh, voodoo thing, down in New Orleans. I finished it, thanks to Alyssa. But then I couldn't find him."

"Dad let you go on a hunting trip by yourself?" Sam asked, leaning on the car.

Dean looked over at Sam.

"I'm an adult, dude." He said.

Dean pulled some papers out of a folder.

"What did you mean that Alyssa helped you?"

Dean frowned, looking through the papers absently.

"I'll tell you about it later. Ah, here we go. So Dad was checking out this two-lane blacktop just outside of Jericho, California. About a month ago, this guy."

Dean handed one of the papers to Sam.

"They found his car, but he vanished. Completely MIA."

The paper was a printout of an article from the _Jericho Herald_ , headlined "Centennial Highway Disappearance" and dated Sept. 19th 2005; it had a man's picture, captioned "Andrew Carey MISSING".

Sam read it, frowned, and then looked up.

"So maybe he was kidnapped."

"Yeah. Well, here's another one in April."

"Another one in December 'oh-four, 'oh-three, 'ninety-eight, 'ninety-two, ten of them over the past twenty years."

Dean tossed another _Jericho Herald_ article for every date he mentioned, in a way that made everything more dramatic than necessary. Then he took the article back from Sam and picked up the rest of the stack, returning them to the folder.

"All men, all the same five-mile stretch of road."

He pulled another bag out of the arsenal.

"It started happening more and more, so Dad went to go dig around. That was about three weeks ago. I hadn't heard from him since, which is bad enough."

Alyssa started to tune out of the conversation. She wasn't sure how exactly what Dean was talking about through half of what he had said, and what she did understand didn't seem very important.

Or maybe she just didn't want to find John, she didn't know.

Her head jerked up when John's voice sounded, and it took her a few agonizing seconds to realize it was just a recording.

"Dean...something big is starting to happen...I need to try and figure out what's going on. It may... Be very careful, Dean. We're all in danger."

She'd heard it before. Of course she had. Dean never stopped playing it when he thought she was asleep, and it was a huge source of anxiety for the both of them. Whatever it meant, it was bad. And if John was worried, than everyone else had better be downright terrified.

"'Lyssa, can you tell me what's wrong with that?"

She nodded.

"There's ESP on it." She looked away from him as she spoke, her mind still elsewhere.

"Very good, Lyss. Seriously, remind me to buy you ice cream later."

He smiled at her, and it was a transparent way for him to try and cheer her up.

She giggled, poking her tongue out at him.

"All right," Dean continued.

"I slowed the message down, I ran it through a gold wave, took out the hiss, and this is what I got."

He pressed play again.

"I can never go home..." The woman's voice was ominous, and it sent shivers down Alyssa's spine.

"Never go home." Sam said.

Dean dropped the recorder, put the shotgun down and stood up straight, shutting the truck and leaning on it.

"You know, in almost two years I've never bothered you, never asked you for a thing."

Sam looked conflicted then away, sighing.

"All right. I'll go. I'll help you find him."

Alyssa did not like this man, she decided. If she ever went to college and her dad needed her, she decided that she wouldn't hesitate to quit school to be with him.

"But I have to get back first thing Monday. Just wait here."

Sam turned and walked back to the apartment.

"What's first thing Monday?"

"I have this...I have an interview."

"What? A job interview? Skip it."

Alyssa nodded along to that as if to emphasize Dean's point.

"It's a law school interview, and it's my whole future on a plate."

Alyssa wondered for a moment why his future would be on a plate, then mouthed an o and giggled a little at herself.

"Law school?" Dean smirked, though it was obvious that he was immenseley proud of his brother. (Even Alyssa could tell.)

"So we got a deal or not?"

Dean said nothing.

 **So that's chapter number one! It's not the longest, but I wanted to get it up tonight. Let me know what you think!**

 **If you want to follow me, I have a Tumblr. (Aubrey-Cortez)**


	3. bad habits

**It's been ten years. Hi. Read bottom authors note.**

 **Happy pride month!**

 **I don't own anything but Alyssa and my random writing style.**

Lonely, lonely, lonely.

Two hours. She had been alone in the motel room for two hours.

Alyssa was _bored._ There was only so much she could do before it all just became monotonous. Tv, card games, even texting Uncle Bobby wasn't doing much to stimulate her.

She wanted to run around. To go to the park. Just do _something._

She felt frustrated, and empty.

The amount of things she could do within the room were severely limited. She was running out of ideas.

She had been in the car for a couple days, and she was starting to feel a little gross. Her hair was greasy and she felt a little dusty.

She might as well draw a bath, turning on the water, then returning to the bed to try and turn off the tv.

She dropped the remote under the bed and sighed, leaning over to get it.

Just then, there was a knock on the door.

She was dubious as to who it could be, but rushed to open it anyways. She felt a little guilty, because she knew Dean would be mad. She brushed that aside, though, fumbling with the lock. The lights behind her flickered.

Flickering lights were one thing her father had taught her about. She knew she was supposed to be cautious about them.

She turned on her heel, terrified, when she saw him.

The little girl smiled.

"Oh, hey, Michael!"

The archangel that stood before her was tall, strong, dark skinned and intimidating.

He let out a small "humph", and turned away from her, then he started going through suitcases and drawers.

Dean liked to unpack at motels. He would always utilize drawers and cabinets and desks- it gave the room a more homey vibe.

So they were pretty unpacked by now.

He was also a very private person, and she knew that he wouldn't want people (or others) to be going through his stuff. There was a lot of family items, and a lot of secrets, too.

It was making her anxious to think about what Daddy would do if he walked in right then.

"Um, what're you doing?" she asked hesitantly.

He shot a glare at her and she clammed up, retreating to the corner of the room as she watched him silently.

After a while, (a long while) he seemed to get what he wanted. He only took a few things- some of her clothes, some baby pictures.

She wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Now, Alyssa, can you tell me what you're forgetting?"

She shook her head slowly, intimidated by the intense eye contact the man was making.

His head jerked towards the bathroom, he snapped his fingers and the door opened.

She had left the bath running, and it had overflown and made a big mess in the bathroom.

She felt a wave of dread pass over her, then she felt extremely nauseous.

He snapped his fingers again and the mess disappeared.

"You owe me. You know what your dad would've done if he had've found that mess?"

She shook her head.

"Tonight," the angel began. "I will ensure that your father is asleep, then you will assist me with something. No one is to know i was ever her." He snapped his fingers and disappeared.

Alyssa nodded numbly to the empty room.

Dean got back around six thirty. He woke Alyssa, who had fallen asleep on the couch, with a soft shake, then kissed her forehead.

She groggily sat up, looking around the now dark room with a weird sense of disassociation. She couldn't remember falling asleep.

"Morning," the little girl mumbled.

He had dinner made. Sam was working on some of the paperwork- she didn't recognize it.

He turned on the tv for her and gave her a bowl of skettios, kissing her cheek.

"You be good while me and uncle Sammy work, yeah?"

She nodded silently.

She wished they didn't have to work. All Dean ever did was work and drive. He never just talked to her.

They were talking in hushed voices, sounding worried.

Like _they_ had something to be worried about.

Monsters and demons didn't have anything on angels and they didn't even know that. Dean had never even seen and angel- aside from her.

And, well, her mom.

She could probably be useful to them, too. She knew a great deal about everything because of Michael. And besides, she was around it anyways. Dean was trying to shelter her from it, which would be nice, but was ultimately futile.

She stared at them for a minute, eavesdropping on their conversation.

It was mostly about grampa.

She decided she'd rather not get involved with that, after all.

The bathwater sounded weird and gave her a sense of surrealism. Dean was practically falling asleep leaning on the bathroom wall (not that he would admit that.)

Alyssa splashed the water a little. Daddy had already shampooed her hair and she was supposed to wait a minute before she did anything.

She couldn't stop thinking about what Michael had done earlier. He was scaring her and she didn't like it when she saw him.

She really wished she could tell her daddy about him.

Michael would get _mad_ though.

She didn't know what exactly he would do to her, but she was terrified of what he would do to her dad.

He was worried enough anyways.

He would be mad too. Dean would do literally anything he needed to to make sure she was okay. He wouldn't be mad at her. That's what Michael said, but he was a liar.

He would never be mad at her for something like this.

He always said that if a grown up tried to get her to lie to him, if she told him, she wouldn't be in trouble at all, and she was pretty sure that Michael was a grown up.

"Did you have a good day?" He asked gently.

"Yeah," she lied.

Truthfully, though. As scary as her dad could be, Michael was scarier.

She could deal with it.

"Close your eyes," Dean said, his voice sounding impossibly tired.

She felt really bad at the idea of burdening him with something else.

He dumped water on her head and she remembered to close her eyes.

She wished she'd taken a deeper breath, because when Dean was finally done and had handed her a towel, she was gasping for air.

Dean rolled his eyes at her.

"You can't hold your breath for thirty seconds?"

She shook her head quickly.

Dean sighed, and just stared at her for a second.

"You like having uncle Sammy around?" He asked.

She shrugged in a non committal way.

"You know he's not gonna stick around, right? He's just doing me a favor right now."

She glanced up at him.

"Why doesn't he want to stay?" She whispered, scared Sam might hear her.

Dean smiled a sad smile.

"He has a girlfriend, and school, a career. He's got a whole life ahead of him."

"Does he have a house?"

Dean smiled again, and once again it somehow portrayed this painful sadness.

"Yeah, baby."

Alyssa splashed in the water a little.

"Why can't we have a house?" She asked, knowing damn well why.

"It's just… complicated. The kind of life we live, what you are, it wouldn't work out."

What did she think was going to happen? She would live in a house and go to school and be normal? But at night, Michael would still take her, and she'd still have powers. She could never be normal and she knew it.

"Up," he ordered. She obliged and he wrapped her in a soft, old towel.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way," dean whispered, kissing the side of her head.

She hated how he would apologize like it was _his_ fault.

She shared a bed with Dean that night, like she usually did. Dean was quick to fall asleep, and Sam didn't last much longer.

Anxiety was what kept Alyssa up. She knew Michael would be there soon, and then what? What would be the favor she would have to do for Michael?

Daddy said that she was supposed to tell her _anything_ that a grownup said she needed to keep a secret from him. No grown up should ever do something to her that dad's not allowed to know about.

And she really had to wonder if Michael counted. Because he was scary and she didn't like him, and he was mean to her. She wasn't allowed to say no to him and sometimes she really, _really_ , wanted to. Sometimes she did. Other times, he'd hurt her for it.

Dean would want to know, and he wouldn't be mad at her. He wouldn't have been mad if he saw the tub spilled if he knew that it was 'cause Michael was scaring her, distracting her.

Another reason to be scared of this was that Michael was the only one who could teach her how to use her superpowers. Especially if he was mad at her, he wouldn't teach her anything.

Could Dean really fight all the bad guys?

There was a flash outside and she sat up, then there was a hand on her shoulder and she was somewhere else.

She screamed, because it really hurt when that happened and she really didn't like it at all.

Michael snapped his fingers at her and she looked around, her vision barely focusing. She was quiet.

She was sitting on the ground, which was solid concrete. There were trees everywhere and it was really noisy from cicadas.

"You know what you're here for?"

She shook her head.

He snapped his fingers, saying, "get up." roughly.

Alyssa got to her feet slowly, looking around and trying to process.

"You're here because we need to get information from someone, and it's time you learned about how that works. We would have landed closer to where we're supposed to be, but you being here threw me off." He said, as though any of this could be _her_ fault.

Alyssa was confused. Information?

"What are you talking about?" she asked, dusting off her pajama bottoms.

Michael said nothing, instead opting to lead her further into the woods. She was hesitant. She didn't like the idea of going into the woods at night- it was all too foreboding, and there were bears! Michaels just loved dramatics too much.

"Wait!" she called, because he was already in there, and it was really dark out. Foggy, dark, alone. She hated the woods, but she hated being alone more.

She ran after him and regretted that she wasn't wearing shoes. Just socks, which was probably worse than if she had just been barefoot in the first place.

Michael did not wait. He continued walking at a steady pace, and when she did final catch up to him, he didn't look at her as he said,

"One thing you must learn, is that you should not ask questions. You should not stop and look around, you should silently obey. Understood?"

"But-" daddy said that questions were good. That's how he caught the bad guys, and that's how she could keep him in check. Sometimes he got fed up with her questions, (she could always tell when to stop with him) but he never, ever told her not to question things. That was something that deeply resonated with her in a bad way- it just wasn't right. Daddy was the good guys and the angels were… something else. No one who was good would tell her that.

"No buts." he said, his voice calm but incredibly cold, which scared her more than if he was yelling.

"Your father does not know everything. I am not against you, Alyssa."

And there was her name again. He never used her name, and when he did she couldn't tell why he would. It just felt wrong, like he would never acknowledge her as human (or otherwise) until times like these, and then it still didn't feel like he thought she deserved respect.

It all just felt so wrong.

She wanted her dad.

She was in the middle of the woods with a strange person, man, angel… thing. She was upset and tired and cold- not to mention scared. If she called her dad right now he'd drive all the way to get her, even if it meant he didn't find grampa and Sammy went back to college. He'd come get her.

But where _was_ she, anyways? What would she tell him? Would he even wake up, did Michael do something to make sure he wouldn't wake up?

-her thoughts were interrupted by the sudden realization that Michael could hear them, and he was much better at hearing the other thoughts of other people, nephilims… _things_ , than she was.

She needed to think about dolls, or cars, or ghosts or something.

This just wasn't good.

Now nothing felt safe. She couldn't think about anything without him hearing it. She couldn't escape him.

This kind of dread must've been completely unique to her. No one else on my the whole planet had to deal with this.

This was _unfair._

They walked onto another street, and Alyssa looked around, disheartened when she realized it was still the middle of nowhere.

There was an old rundown gas station, the kind where she wasn't allowed to use the bathroom, and where she was really not allowed to leave Daddy's side- she ran and walked closer to Michael.

"What are we-" she cut herself off, he wasn't going to answer.

The door was already open, and she didn't like the flickering lights because they made everything more scary for her.

Flickering lights were one of those things Dean had warned her about.

She stopped herself right before she asked Michael if she could hold his hand.

She was a mess.

At least she was getting better with knowing what she was supposed to be doing.

The inside was gross, it all felt dirty and weird. There were definitely people in there, they were speaking in quiet voices.

In the very back room which was more for storage and had warehouse vibes, there were about three people standing there, all of which whom she recognized as angels. There was someone sitting on the floor, probably tied up, and their soul just felt dark.

The angels quieted when she entered the room, all turning to stare at her, and she realized that she was alone- Michael was somewhere back in the main store.

"Um," she looked around, panic flashing through her before she laid eyes on Michael. She ran towards him- scary as he was, he was definitely stronger that the thing on the floor, the thing with a scary smile who was staring at her like he was gonna do something bad.

Michael hadn't taken her here to give her to that thing, right?

The angels were staring too, but their stares were less scary and more confused.

She turned back to face the angels, they started to kneel.

She was confused and her knees buckled a little- because she wasn't sure what was happening. They couldn't be bowing to her. She was just a little girl- a little girl with bare feet and raggy pajamas and unkempt hair.

"That's enough- it'll go to her head." They rose, and shared a glance.

"Michael what's-" Alyssa began, but was cut off by a look from him.

"You're here as a formality. You should be seen and not heard."

She shut her mouth, still with a thousand questions racing through her mind.

She didn't voice them, though. She just looked around the room. The scary man with a black soul was still staring at her, his brow thoroughed.

She couldn't hear his thoughts, even when she tried and it bothered her. This was the first time she actually wanted to hear someone, but she couldn't now. It wasn't fair.

The man smiled.

"You brought the nephilim? Oh, that's rich!"

Michael rolled his eyes, "Hush, Crowley."

Alyssa glanced up, almost asking what a nephilim was.

"Ohh, she doesn't know what that is. For shame, Michael."

Alyssa jumped. Was he-

"A nephilim, darling, is half angel, half human. You´re more powerful than any of the blokes in here- almost more than i-"

Michael snapped his fingers.

That's enough of that, Crowley.

Alyssa frowned.

"Is that true, Michael?" she whispered, and she found herself surprised by how cold her tone was.

He just shot her a glare.

"If he's not going to take care of you, darling, I'd be more than happy to take you off his hands. I could teach you to use your pow-"

"Take her outside, Cas." Michael interrupted angrily.

A big man- angel, stepped forward. He grabbed her arm a little too aggressively and led her outside the door. He marched her through the store and Alyssa found it hard to keep up with his long strides.

Once they were outside, he let go of her and gave her a look.

"What did I do?" She asked, desperate and scared. "Who was that? Why did he say that to me?"

Cas stared at her, frowning.

"That's not for you to worry about." he said in a raspy voice.

And maybe it was that she was tired, or stressed, or maybe she was just an emotional child, but after he said that, she promptly burst into tears.

She collapsed onto the sidewalk and was sobbing hysterically, tears running down her face and her vision being obscured.

"Hey- um, don't cry."

The angel was trying to be comforting and it was frustrating. He was bad at it and she was tired and just wanted to be home, asleep. It was late. She was six!

Just then, it started to drizzle.

He knelt down next to her.

"What´s- what´s wrong?"

"No one listens to me! I want my daddy!"

"You'll see him. Don't cry." She sobbed harder.

Consequently, the rain intensified.

Castiel was panicking, that was for sure. He had never had to be around children until now, and he'd just so happened to get the most upset child in the world. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do to comfort her.

"Um… Michael, he'll be back soon. You don't have to worry he'll be back soon."

"I don't want Michael!" She screeched, hysteric sobs still leaving her.

The thunder was loud, intense and worrying. Lightning was starting to strike near them.

Castile was actually panicking now.

This child was affected the weather. She was dangerous and anything could happen.

And Michael hasn't cleared him to do anything but take her outside.

There was nothing he could do.

He knelt down beside her, trying to chanel his best memories.

He closed his eyes and touched her forehead.

He imagined he was in Heaven. He was resting, sipping iced water and taking in the scenery. The sun was not too hot when paired with the gentle breeze, and there was the sound of running water and some quiet conversation.

It was peaceful. His heart rate was calm. He had no worries.

He opened his eyes and looked at the girl.

The rain had stopped, her eyes were closed and she looked at peace.

A second later she collapsed on him, and he realized quickly that she was asleep.

"Oh," he said dumbly.

He picked her up bridal style and held her, rocking her a little bit.

"It's okay, it's okay."

He knew _nothing_ about children.

Castiel was soon glad that she was asleep. With the screams coming from the store and the dark energy, this was no place for a child.

When Michael did come out, he looked irritated.

"She couldn't even stay up?" He asked.

"She is a child, Michael." He tried to hold back from expressing his bitterness, and put up a mental barrier.

Michael stared at him for a minute.

"You don't believe I should have brought her?" He asked.

He shook his head.

"You will understand soon enough. She's young yet, it's time we taught her how things should be."

He held out his arms to take the little girl, and Castiel begrudgingly handed her over.

He may not have liked kids, but even more so he hated seeing them mistreated.

"Evening, Cas."

And then he was gone.

 **It's been a year lol. (It might actually have been a year. I suck.)**

 **When an author doesn't update for a while, I like to gently check in and ask if they're okay. I always say something like "it's none or just business** _ **why**_ **you didn't update, I just want to make sure you're okay."**

 **And while it's none of your business why I haven't updated, but I do owe you an explanation.**

 **I got a boyfriend in late August. Dating him was a healing, good thing for a long time I was really happy with him.**

 **He never respected me and he did things I wasn't okay with and it really hurt me. Then he cheated on my with my best friend and he started being mean to me and that** _ **hurt.**_

 **It all taught me a lot. I'm glad I dated him, he was the only person I've ever been able to talk to before.**

 **It was healing.**

 **But the relationship was a lot of work, and getting over him was even more so.**

 **So, I've been busy.**

 **I had to start my life over. Two people is enough people to be all the people you trust, but when you lose both of them at once it stops being so good.**

 **I had to make completely new friends, and I got closer with some old ones.**

 **I did it, it was just really hard.**

 **Thank you for understanding. Thank you for your patience.**

 **Please review!**

 **-a xx**


	4. update

hey! guess who isn't dead!

so, a little background on where i am in this story.

i am _swamped_ with just stuff going on in my life! like, i'm tired all the time it's crazy. and i just don't have the time for writing like i used to.

and i do want to update, but looking back on this story i know there's a lot of room for improvement in what i've written, and i want to edit a bit.

its been so long- i don't really have much spark left for this. any ideas on how to proceed with the story?


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